You're probably living in China if...

- you barely flinch when you see a small child emptying his bowels in the street

- you know the news you're getting isn't the REAL news.
- a cup of coffee costs more than ten times a bottle of beer.
- you find yourself crying over a menu in a western restaurant because they serve potato salad.
- you haven't eaten anything baked in months.
- you eat every kind of meat off the bone, and spit the bones on the table.
- you speak really slowly and enunciate when you're speaking English, and sometimes find it easier just to speak Chinese.
- you have to ask if the VCD is in English when you rent it.
- you know what a VCD is.
- you ride a bike. All the time. Even in the rain, and people look at you strangely if you're not wearing a poncho.
- you can expertly maneuver your bike through any traffic situation.
-you know the currency exchange between RMB and your home country but not your home country and its neighbor.
- you spend less than 10RMB on a fully satisfying lunch, but might end up eating at a table with 4 strangers.
- you know how to use a squatter.
- you know what a squatter is.
-grown men and women often say hello to you, and when you reply they run away giggling.
- you can't decide if you love or hate the country you're living in.
- you realize that the smog-o-meters they use in western countries would explode if they were brought to the colder parts of the country in the middle of winter.
-you see nothing wrong with standing on a white stripe in the middle of a highway while cars whiz past you at 90kph
- you never stop for a right turn, particularly when the light is red, although you don't really understand why no one ever crashes into you
- it seems completely normal that some guy on a tricycle wants to buy your garbage
- you don't blink an eye when a complete stranger wants to take a photo of you with his family
- you no longer use articles when you speak
- you bargain with the grocer over the cost of a head of lettuce
- you no longer question why the expiration date on the milk you just bought is two months from now
- you buy a movie that hasn't been released theatrically yet at home...
- when you can get ANYTHING to eat on a stick
- when a trim at the barber invloves two washes, a scalp massage, a whole lot of time, and a crowd of onlookers
- When beer is most often served cold in the winter
- When you go to a park and you can't walk on the grass
- When you go to the park and get heavily sprayed with pesticide that keeps that same untouched grass green and strong
- where every city is (in)famous for some kind of food
- you speak chinese with other foreigners (even if they speak the same language) simply because it is easier
- you can access programs on computers even though there are no english prompts
- an entire class looks at you with a blank face when you ask them to try and discover something on their own, rather than you just telling them the answer
- your host offers you silkworms telling you that they are very good, and when you ask if they like them they reply no.
- you complain about that price difference of DVDs/VCDs/CDs bought in the stores and on the streets
- you find face lotion that actually bleachs your skin whiter....
- you have learned to enjoy being stared at
- you can climb 6 flights of stairs without a rest stop
- you can buy a NEW bicycle for US $17
- people offer you a stool to sit on when you stop in front of a shop
- long underwear is a wardrobe staple five months of the year
- you have ten different responses to the question, "Do you like China?"
- you're looking forward to blending in with the crowd.
- you know ten different ways to point out a foreigner in Chinese.
- you point out foreigners to your Chinese friends even though you're foreign yourself.
- your students bow and call you teacher when you enter a room.
- your Chinese friend Faye has such poor pronunciation you tell her she's speaking feihua
- you start thinking that stupid questions are reasonable
- you have strict mental rules as to when you reply to a hello (ie person must be within a 20 foot semi circle radius and not with a group of men)
-you stare at dogs that are over 1 foot tall

-you are becoming proficient in 4 other languages: Mandarin, local dialect, Chinglish, and gibberish
- if there are only 4 screaming children running around the classroom, you consider it a good primary class.
- if there are only 4 students sleeping, you consider it a good middle school class.
-you start saying 'play computer' 'I very like' and other assorted chinglish.
- you whole-heartedly agree with things that you don't agree with.
- you point over your back with your thumb when using the past tense.
- you're beginning to like fruit salad and mayonnaise
- every village is different from the rest of China but all foreigners are the same
- everyone wants to be your friend - all you have to do is teach them English for free
- you tell people you don't understand, so they write it for you - in Chinese.
- the ugliest western man always has a beautiful Chinese girlfriend.
- at the beach women wear bulky swimsuits from the 1950's while men wear speedos
-you realize that all wild animals are to be caught and eaten and/or ground up for medicine.
- absolutely everything that can possibly be eaten is in some way good for your health.
- buying a DVD is cheaper than seeing a movie in the cinema, and it's available before the movie is released.
- the local beauty spot is a concrete eyesore
- you no longer expect the truth

China.... you gotta love it.

 

Extracted from here

 

10.6.04 11:57